Demons at the Door (2004) Review

I offer you, noble reader, a question of questionable proportions: What is the the worst movie you've ever seen? There have been many answers, such as Gigli, Son of the Mask, Showgirls, Monsters-A-Go-Go... but I am here to say right now that, with the possible slight exception of the later, that I have found THE very WORST "movie" of all time: Roy Knyrim's Demons at the Door.

Allow me, if you will, to daringly explain the amazing plot of this phenomena of a film: In the photoshopped sands of the Middle East, there lies a place--a place where a hot female archaeologist and some disposable guy work to uncover... SOMETHING!!! What is this something? Why, it's a bunch of foul-mouthed, rapping demons of course! After a blue-eyed Arab terrorist is blown up in a less than well-planned maneuver, vicious demons enter our world seeking the Eye of Satan, an amulet with mystical powers that will propel Satan into powerful powerfulness! Eehgad!!! Who can stop these rampaging demons? Why, two muscly hunks (Richard Benedetto as the white one and Sean'e La'Dae as the black one) and said hot archaeologist (Leslie Brockett) of course!! After being aided by the less-than-helpful angel Uriel (famous body builder Bob Cicherillo in an... interesting... cameo), the three are left alone with the hot archaeologist's father (Angelo Benedetto) to battle the "hordes" of demons.

I reeeaaallly hated this movie. No, really, I could barely fucking stand the shittiness. The only thing this movie made me do was feel better about my soon-to-be displayed talents. From the Nickelodeon-esque green slime spraying out of a torn-in-half sink monster to the cut-and-paste eye ball, this movie has surprisingly little merit. The big draw is on the DVD cover, which states that it features music by Insane Clown Posse, a rap group that I can't say I like, but I don't find as annoying as most. Yes, it has plenty from the group, but the songs never really fit the situations, with maybe a smidgen of an exception.

Now, while I could go on and on about the drudgery of this film, I will take a moment to speak of some okay moments. One of the muscly hunk soldiers guarding the base (?!) does have a funny little conversation with a headless corpse, a lone giant eyeball screams "OW! My eye!!", an occurence of a nice little Evil Dead reference, plus a WTF?! ending all help boost the movie past being pure shit--it's really more like shit with corn in it.

Aaaaand back to the bad stuff!! The acting was atrocious on all fronts, the brief scene of nudity is reeeaaally random, even for my sensibilities, and the demons making racist jokes and talking about rape just bores rather than shocks. Oh, and, from what I learned from this movie, demons are REALLY easily tricked.

On a technical note--still crappy. The FX are worse than anything on the Sci-Fi Channel and the camera and lighting are crap.

Maybe it would be good for a MST3K bashing, but otherwise, avoid this dreck and it's really badly photoshopped ending (hopefully you will never know what I mean).

Directing: 1/10
Script: 2/10
Story: 2/10
Acting: 1/10
Scare Factor: 0/10

FINAL SCORE: 6/50

Unpleasant Tidbit: I found this in Blockbuster.